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The Art of Charm Podcast is where self-motivated guys and gals, just like you, come to learn from a diverse mix of experienced mentors, including the world's best professional and academic minds, scientists, relationship experts, entrepreneurs, bestselling authors, and other badasses. This show will make you a better networker, better connector, and -- most important -- a better thinker.

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375: Amy Alkon | Good Manners for People Who Say F*ck

February 9th, 2015

Episode 299 of 629 episodes

There is a happy medium between being a jerk and being a pushover. “People will tell you what they’re about if you’re willing to listen.” -Amy Alkon The Cheat Sheet: What’s the spilled drink test and how can you apply it to your dating life? How to be a nice guy and not get stepped on, according to science. What is an “in vivo” experience and how can you apply it to your life? The error management system: what is it and why do you need to know? The three keys to a first date to help you figure out if she wants you or your money. And so much more… Our guest for today’s show makes a livingdoling out love advice. But not just any advice about matters of the heart, she gives out advice based on science. In fact what she largely does is read scientific articles, attends scientific conferences and then boils down the findings from these events and publications into usable, everyday advice for our modern day dating life. Amy Alkon is the author ofGood Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ckand today we chat about the science behind why men and women are so different and how can we better understand the other gender. All of that and more on thiseditionof The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: Amy Alkon is an award-winning columnist whogives advice about matters of the heart using science to back it up. On today’s episode we talk about the evolutionary psychology behind why women want what they want (and why men want what they want), how we can find out if a person is actually interested in us or just using us and how to truly assess a person to see if we’re compatible before getting serious. In terms of what women want from men, Amy says women do want good providers but not because they’re gold diggers.Citing evolutionary science, she explains that women look for providers because they are the ones to bear children. No woman wants a deadbeat to father her children so she’s going to take that into account before going to bed with any man. But there are differences between the women who want a man who provides for their potential offspring and a woman who simply wants to max out your AmEx card before dumping you and moving on. A great way to tell one apart from the other is by taking a woman on a first date that is cheap, short and local. For example, offer to take a girl on a hike and then out for coffee after. Make sure the hike is in a public, popular place so she feels safe. A gold digger isn’t going to say yes to that kind of outing, but a woman looking for a solid man will. Or if neither of you is outdoorsy you can just meet for happy hour. Amy says it’s good to buy her something, but you don’t have to spend alot for her to feel appreciated. Going on dates like these a few times will help you best assess the person you’re with (and she can assess you as well) without hormones ruining your judgment. If you keep the dates to an hour and a half and not marathon sessions, you won’t get so caught up in a flood of hormones that either or both ofyou make poor decisions. Taking it slow for the first few dates will help you see who she truly is and what she wants. Another great way to get down to a person’s true personality is doing active things together or going somewhere stressful like a jam-packed concert. How does she respond when there’s a ridiculous line for parking? Is she cool and relaxed or does she pitch a fit? Watch and learn. As Amy shares on this episode, everyone shows us who they really are if we’re willing to pay attention and listen. Amy and I discuss much more on this episode but one final nugget for you here is another telltale sign that she is actually someone you want to be seriously involved with. After you’ve been dating for awhile take a step back and ask if she does things to make you happy, little things to show she cares. Does she seem to care about your needs or do hers always come first? Youranswer to that question will tell you all you need to know. We also chat about why taking short trips are so important in relationship assessments, the science proving acts of kindness are beneficial, and how to be a nice guy without getting taken for a ride. Amy graciously shares her bounty of knowledge, have a listen and enjoy. And thank you for joining us, we’ll see you next time on The Art of Charm. THANKS AMY ALKON! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Amy know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Amy on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Amy Alkon’s web siteGood Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck, by Amy AlkonAmy’s radio showAmy on TwitterThe Art of Charm bootcamps You’ll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad!Email meinstead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. Ways to subscribe to The Art of Charm Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS You can also subscribe via Stitcher FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email [email protected] Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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