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The Art of Charm Podcast is where self-motivated guys and gals, just like you, come to learn from a diverse mix of experienced mentors, including the world's best professional and academic minds, scientists, relationship experts, entrepreneurs, bestselling authors, and other badasses. This show will make you a better networker, better connector, and -- most important -- a better thinker.

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386: Lawrence Lanoff | Tantra and The Art of Radical Self Acceptance

March 18th, 2015

Episode 317 of 602 episodes

Shame around anything - sex or otherwise - is part of our cultural mythology and is not real. "You can't transcend the very thing that makes you who you are." -Lawrence Lanoff The Cheat Sheet: What is Tantra and where have practitioners gone wrong with it? What is the bias of perfection? Has he ever met anyone who doesn't have secret pain about their sexuality? What Bonobos can teach us about sex. What is therealpurpose of sex (hint: it's NOT procreation like we've been taught). And so much more... (video) Tantra is one of the topics everyone seems to have heard of but most people know nothing about. Even fewer people know what it really is (not just the woo-woo stuff), how it should be used to create a healthy sex life, and how to develop radical self acceptance through the practice of it. Lawrence Lanoff is a best-selling author and award-winning sex coach who helps people remove the shame and stigma from sex through Tantra and radical self acceptance. We dive headlong into all of that and moreon episode 386 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and Check Out 99 Designs! (DirectDownload) More About This Show: From the age of 12 Lawrence has been studying and practicing Tantra. Yes you read that right - 12! Growing up on the rough streets of the meat-packing district of New York City he could've easily turned to a life of crime and gangs, but through an introduction to a spiritual teacher he found another avenue: Tantra. On today's episode we talk about how Tantra has stayed with him over the years; Lawrence says it's been such a big influence that it naturally became a part of him. By the time he began having sex he had a mastery over his body and later, his knowledge became something others from all walks of life sought from him. We also talk about how to share something deeply personal and sensitive likesexual proclivities. Lawrence has a formatted type of conversation he recommends you use, whether it be about a sexual topic oranything that makes you feel vulnerable to share. Here's how he recommends having that type of conversation: Firststart bysaying to your partner: "I have something I want to discuss with you, is now a good time?" If they say yes go to the second step. If it isn't a good time then make a date to talk and move on to step two. Nextstart your conversation with these words: "This is what I'm afraid is going to happen if I tell you what I want to tell you." And then share what you're afraid their response will be (and your fears around why they will say that) and put it on the table. Thirdshare how you'd like for them to respond. Say to them: "here's what I'd like to have happen: _____" and thenfill in the blank withwhat you want. Finallythis is where you share what you actually want to share. Whether that's a sexualfetish you have that you want to explore or something else, this is the point in the conversation when you share that thing you want to talk about. Lawrence says by using this format for your conversation you're leveling the playing field, you're letting the other person know you have feelings about the topic and it's vulnerable for you. And if they don't respond with appreciation and gratitude for your sharing you are with the wrong person. Even if they aren't into whatever you suggest, they should still appreciate that you want to create a deeper connection with them. We also talk about the connection between relationships and sex, why it isn't as obvious as you might think, and why relaxation is imperative to our well-being (plus how to do it in just 5 minutes). Bigthanks to Lawrencefor his candid conversation and straight-up talk on a sensitive topic. Special thanks to you for being here! We'll see you next time on The Art of Charm. THANKS LAWRENCE LANOFF! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Lawrence know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Lawrenceon Twitter! Resources from this episode: Lawrence Lanoff's web siteLawrence LanoffonTwitterThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad!Email meinstead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. Ways to subscribe to The Art of Charm Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS You can also subscribe via Stitcher FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email [email protected] Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!