Violet Blue's Open Source Sex

Violet Blue ®

This is the new school of sexuality. Oprah Magazine: Open Source Sex is "one of the most popular adult programs on iTunes." Erotica, sex ed and more with sex educator, author and columnist Violet Blue ®

Parental Advisory


open source sex 45

September 15th, 2006

Episode 21 of 46 episodes

Prostate pleasure for couples! To celebrate my brand-new book The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys, listen to me smilingly talk you through an intro to male anal pleasure from the "bend over boyfriend" chapter. Here, you'll find out about prostate pleasure, how couples can get started and have a lot of fun with male anal penetration, and a strap-on sex primer for couples. There's a lot more detailed info about this *delightful* sex act in the book, and you can hear hot erotica about it in Open Source Sex episodes 8, 31 and 40.This is a textcast; if you got this podcast in iTunes and want to read along (or refer back to the information later), click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times and scroll through the text at your leisure.Also: I have a seperate feed for erotica now at http://violet.libsyn.comText for Open Source Sex 45Straight couples have reinvented anal sex, and the "Bend Over Boyfriend" phenomenon brought on by the how-to video of the same name have skyrocketed harness and dildo sales to heterosexual couples across the nation. Perhaps the fact that straight men are interested in receptive anal exploration with their female partners comes from increased awareness about prostate pleasure -- sometimes called "the male G-spot". Or maybe men are just more comfortable and confident about their sexuality and see through all the contrived myths linking male anal sex and homosexuality to make up their own minds (because not all gay men like anal sex, and being penetrated can't make someone gay no matter how much they might want it to). But most likely, because our culture talks about sex more than ever before, happy, horny and adventurous guys and gals are looking at each other's bodies like the pleasure playgrounds they were meant to be. And that's a really good thing.Have you ever wanted to turn the tables on your lover, strapping on a sexy black harness, fastening in a dildo to jut out from between your legs, just so -- and follow through with everything your new dick implies? And what would that entail, exactly; strutting around in a pair of high heels, or going all the way and dressing extra butch in a tank top and workboots? Better yet, follow all these lines of thinking to see how hot and bothered you get while stroking your new erect appendage, rubbing all over your lover's face and having them give you a blowjob -- or more when you take total control and penetrate them.Sound hot? It is. Being on the receiving end (literally) of a strap-on is just as arousing. Whether it's a power exchange fantasy, a gender-bending scenario or just the blissful sensation of feeling your lover inside you, strap-on sex has little to compare itself to.Wearing a strap-on, even if you don’t do anything with it, is an experience full of revelations and a sense of sexual giddiness that must be experienced to be understood -- in addition to the incredible arousal that usually comes with playing with "your dick". There are no consequences to strap-on play. Being penetrated and played with by a lover in a harness is just as fun, intense, and sexually exciting as doing the strapping, and the orgasmic potential is eye opening.Penetration is one of those very amazing things that connect you with your lover like nothing else, and it can be an incredible turn-on for both of you. Penetrating a man with your finger or fingers, a dildo, or a vibrator, you enter into a realm of pleasure that is as deep for him as it is intimate for both of you. And in some men it’s like hitting a pleasure power switch -- even the lightest touch on the outside of the anus skyrockets some men straight to orgasm.In most every sex book you’ll pick up, if you can find a reference to the prostate gland at all (without it being exclusively related to cancer), you’ll notice a few strange things about the way authors deal with the subject. Many impart a homophobic tone that makes even *me* wonder if I’m repressing anything -- and this goes for both male and female authors. It’s as if they wanted you to be absolutely sure they’re straight when they’re telling you about what’s inside guys' butts, and that you are too, and that everyone’s still straight after they read about it. The concept of male anal penetration obviously carries a lot of stigma and shame for these authors. This would be funny, if it weren’t so frustrating trying to get practical sex information out of their books. The other unfortunate thing most books do when they cover real-life, try-this-at-home prostate stimulation (which is rare) is rush through the material and present it in a cold context, as if no one would really try this for pleasure. Oh, and did I mention that prostate play, or the enjoyment thereof, has nothing to do with sexual orientation? It doesn’t. End of discussion.The prostate gland is located at just about the center of the male urogenital system, inside the perineal wall. It sits just below the bladder, producing the fluid that mixes with semen in ejaculate, and is connected to the urethra, the muscles that line the perineum, and the sphincter muscle. If there’s an epicenter to male orgasm, then this must be it. Many men, though not all, find that when they’re aroused, prostate stimulation is intensely pleasurable; that’s because the nerve pathway form the brain to the penis runs through the rectum, and one large nerve bundle is located just beneath the prostate. Additionally, the root of the penis is more or less anchored at the prostate, so when you massage the prostate you also transmit sensation to the base of his penis. If he experiences any pain when his prostate is touched, he should have it checked by his doctor. The orgasms from prostate stimulation are often described by men as deep, intense, and powerful.Many men (though not all) enjoy penetration during other sexual activities, like fellatio, handjobs or intercourse -- that is, as long as you don’t stop or interrupt the sex. If you’ve talked to him about penetration beforehand, you’ve got it under control and are way ahead of the game. Discussing anal play before you try it is essential, unless you and your lover already have anal adventure on the table. Anal play for someone who’s not ready for it can be very unsettling; don’t guess how he might react, because for some guys, anal penetration is going too far. So, how do you add anal penetration to sex and make it pleasurable? Follow the three golden rules: go very slowly, listen to the man you’re penetrating, and use lots of lube.Fingers are perfect for first-time penetration, as they afford you the most feeling and movement. When he’s turned on, you can start the experiment by massaging his buttocks and caressing the crack between his cheeks. If he responds positively, try slowly and gently pressing a finger over the opening to his anus while you’re kissing him, or playing with his penis or testicles. Be sure your hands are clean (read: scrubbed -- no dirt or grime under your nails) and your fingernails are trimmed and filed smooth. Make sure you don’t have any tiny cuts or hangnails. Latex or (non-latex) nitrile gloves are excellent to use, because they provide a perfectly smooth, clean surface and you can simply take them off when you switch activities.Put lube on your fingers first to warm it up -- recommended brands for first-time anal play include Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff Gel or Liquid, and the water-based versions of Eros or Wet are fantastic. With the flat of your finger, or fingers, press lightly on the opening and hold it there. Increase the pressure a little, massaging and pressing in subtle circular motions. Go very slowly, and listen to his cues or verbal instructions -- again, for some guys, just having their anus touched is all it takes to push them over the edge. Pay attention to lubrication, and never rely on saliva. In porn films they make it look like that’s all they use, but that’s not the case -- they just don’t show you the anal suppositories and numerous between scene applications of lube. Experienced players can buy lube injection rigs on kink-friendly sites like stockroom.com.If you know he’s ready for insertion, you're keeping him nice and hard, and he is at the point when he’s not sure if he should be thrusting forward or bucking backward onto your hand, check your accessories. You should have plenty of lube, and gloves or finger cots. The anus is an unlubricated area; it does not self-lubricate like a mouth or vagina, and the skin is thin enough to abrade easily. Use lube, lots of lube. You can never have too much lubricant. Have your gloves ready, or already on. Move your flattened fingers in a circular motion, and begin experimenting with penetration by pressing one well-lubed finger at the base of the opening (toward his tailbone). Massage the opening’s base, and ask him if he wants you to go farther. Slowly slide your finger or a slim sex toy like a small butt plug in up to the first joint (about an inch), and hold it there for a few breaths. Listen to what he tells you to do. You’ll feel the ring of muscles around his opening squeeze and contract -- just stay still as the muscles relax.When you feel the muscles relax, slide your finger in slowly a little bit more, then back out, doing a gentle in-and-out, not all the way in yet. Once again, this may be all it takes for him to come, or to decide that it’s not what he wants right now -- but if he does want more, following his directions and body language from here, you can progress to more stimulation. You can go deeper or faster, or even add more fingers -- but the rule here is to do everything so slowly that you can practically feel the seasons changing around you. Anal penetration hurts when you go too fast, you don’t use enough lube, the recipient isn’t relaxed, or he doesn’t really want to be doing it. And if he decides he doesn't want to, don't take it personally; just switch sexual activities and talk about it later, after sex when things...